yesterday, in my body
If you are a generally healthy person, it can be hard to conceptualize how quickly someone's illnesses can suddenly turn within a few hours, so here is an example from yesterday to illustrate it.
My wife and I had made plans to go a tabletop/board game flea market at noon and then head over to a restaurant afterwards. I had slept well, I had a bit of breakfast, I put effort into my looks, I had no pain or other issues, everything was generally fine. My Crohn's disease had acted up here and there in the days prior, but no signs of that yesterday.
On the way there, everything was fine. I had forgotten my noise-cancelling headphones at home, but the tram was surprisingly pleasant and manageable without it. I noticed I wasn't able to comfortably stand as long as I had now gotten used to (lower back pain from Bechterew's disease etc.), but I blamed it on being more sedentary recently.
The flea market was so full, I only quickly walked through and then waited at the emptier entrance the rest of the time. At the restaurant, I tried a Vietnamese Iced Coffee for the first time, and oh boy... the restaurant really put some extra effort into that! It was very bitter and the coconut cream they included was extra, sickeningly, sweet to make up for it. Since my month without caffeine, I had gotten extra sensitive to caffeine again, and I tend to react badly to lots of sugar, so I expected some negative consequences, but it was tasty.
On the way home, I start feeling extremely anxious due to the caffeine. I'm overwhelmed and extra sensitive, every noise and smell is too strong, I feel deeply uncomfortable in my body and just want to run away. I can't at least take away the sound element, because again, I had left the noise-cancelling headphones at home; deep regret at that point. When we make it home, I immediately free myself from everything that isn't necessary or comfortable and lie down in bed. I don't wanna be touched, and I don't want to talk, and if I have to talk, I whisper. Every sound feels like nails on a chalkboard, and every touch burns like lava.
After some hours, I recover. I make some dinner with leftovers, and afterwards, decide I should work out at least a bit, as I feel okay again.
A few minutes on my indoor cycle, and my body just feels off. I feel weak, but not the kind of weak you feel when you just need to eat or drink something. I start to feel really fatigued from the simplest and easiest movement, and I check my pulse on my watch. There it is, my best indicator that inflammation is currently high in my body: Unusually high bpm for what I do. I was rather slow pedaling without much resistance, and I was already at 122bpm when usually, I'd be at 104-110 max for this warmup/difficulty. Damn.
I try to at least finish with very light, easy cycling, but I have to stop entirely. This kind of fatigue feels like you're forced to walk in slow motion, like a dream, or like underwater; everything feels like it has a weird, invisible resistance, and your limbs are so heavy. I try if I can at least do some stretching and crunches on my yoga mat, and that's easier. I still feel weird and fragile, but it's manageable.
When I stop, the fatigue hits me like a brick wall. I only have energy to change clothes and collapse onto the sofa. That's where my usual "my autoimmune disorders are acting up" routine starts; I can barely manage anything. I don't really want to move, especially not my arms. I can barely find the words or express myself due to massive brain fog. I feel like I am a tiny ball living in my chest cavity, stuck in a huge meat mech.
When it gets bad, I can no longer even handle looking at my phone, I can just lie there and focus on my breathing. That usually goes hand in hand with some general pain and discomfort that's hard to localize and feels like a huge cloud surrounding me, and I ask my wife for my pain/anti-inflammation meds, because otherwise I just start writhing around groaning all the time. I also fall asleep on the sofa, only going to bed some unknown time later (probably close to midnight?).
It's the next morning now, and I still feel a little off, but mostly fine, and I'll be taking it slow with my body today; no exercise, no going outside, and lots of rest, though I am working from home, and I have to study a bit for my exam tomorrow! Wish me luck. Unfortunately, it's no coincidence this stuff mostly happens around stress points like exams, and I'm sure the sugar and caffeine didn't help... 😐
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