time moves on
I had a follow-up doctor's appointment at the gastroenterologist and it left me very sad. Nothing bad happened, quite the opposite - I'm just good. The medication works. I have nothing else to bring up there.
It's just weird to arrive at this now. It was only a year, but it left such a mark on me. Appointment after appointment, waiting for results, weekly blood checking, calling, emails exchanged, vigilant for any worsening or side effects, infusions, renewing some prescriptions constantly... and it was at a temporary office while theirs got renovated. Now they're in their old-new office I had never been in before, and I'll only see them for emergencies or inserting my card to get prescriptions.
I got this weird feeling that a specific, impactful time is just over, and even though I don't want it back, I am also grieving it. I think it wouldn't hit as hard if it was still in the office I knew, so the rare times I do have to come in, I see it all again. But it just is completely gone.
It's weird how when you're sick, you rely so much on these strangers for help, and you build this one-sided bond with them; they're somehow family, but also not. They take care of you, but it's not mutual, and when you're better, it all goes on without you. My doctor knew everything and was this emotional crutch in a trying time, in a way.. and it was usually the same nurse who drew my blood. You get so used to talking to them and seeing their faces, but that's just over.
It reminds me of when my dog died almost 2 years ago. We were at the vet a lot, and I also had to pick up prescriptions for 3-4 medications all the time there, for more than 2 years. So they knew him so well, greeted him, recognized me when I entered, had nice genuinely caring talks. And then he died. I picked up the death certificate and paid the final bill and the woman behind the counter said "Wow, it's so weird how we'll just never see each other here again." and I could have just crumbled right there. It is so weird and sad and I haven't seen her since, because what excuse is there to just enter the vets office and waste their time.
Of course, I'll likely get worse again one day and also get another pet (also likely), but at those points, it just feels so final.
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Published 22 Jan, 2025