story time: starbucks guy
I don’t know much about Starbucks Guy. I think his name is Ahmad, but my phone knows him as Starbucks Guy. We met because he was the Store Manager at the Starbucks near my work. Whenever I would come in, he would seem starbucks struck. His eyes might as well have been heartshaped. When I ordered, he would not let me pay for it, and I got food for free I didn’t order, too.
One time, he asked if I would wanna go out some time. I said it depends on your intentions - as friends, it’s okay, but not more, because I am gay. He said he was okay with whatever and I get to decide. So we exchanged numbers. And oh man, this guy frequently called and sent heart emojis…
Anyway, we met up one time and we got tea somewhere. We start to talk about the usual get-to-know-each-other things. That’s when an interesting shift happened: Before he found out where I work and what I study on the side, he was all sweet and relatively normal, and very positive about his employees. He was giving sweet, soft, empathetic, nice guy.
But when he found out, he suddenly felt the need to shift into what I’m assuming was supposed to come off as very masculine and impressive. He started talking about being stern and not so forgiving with his employees, how he’s stingy with granting them time off, how he’s not afraid to kick people out of the store… it basically came out of nowhere, just because he felt intimidated and needlessly inferior as “just” a coffee shop man. Of course I was put off by this behavior, but these are the moments I’m switching into observer mode, subtly enjoying some dude embarrassing himself in front of me and losing my approval the more he talks and sticking around to see how bad it gets. It continued with how because of his success, they’re giving him a second store to manage, yada yada. More bragging. Even bragging about store upgrades that were not even real. But I digress…
Later on, the inevitable starts. He’s allegedly a lady’s man and in so many friendships with benefits. But he’s also digging - am I sure I am gay? Can I make an exception? I say no, and that if he has such a huge number of women available to him, he’ll be just fine without me.
It’s always the same: When some guy talks about his choices, he doesn’t have a single one and is desperate, and I caught him in it. He goes on to say that he lowkey hates my girlfriend (now fiancée) for having me. I chuckle and internally think wow, banger thing to tell the Discord later.
You might be wondering why I’m still hanging with that guy and not making a scene, and it’s because this is like the trillionth experience with people like this, so I am unbothered and just gathering entertainment material. Nothing I could say would change this type of man, so I’m listening and acting mostly unimpressed. This usually gets them going to try harder because I have a resting bitch face and they try to make me laugh or look impressed. Of course he pays for our tea and I let him.
After this one, whenever I went into or even by the store (it’s on my way to work) and he was there too, he insists on hugging me. Instead of getting in and out with a drink or food, he insists I stay and spend time with him. He also asks when we can hang out again. Of course I keep it vague - say he can message me and we’ll see. Since the first meeting, he now always has to act like leading the store is immensely stressful - constant calls, constant meetings. It wasn’t like that before. He even asks me to join him to meet some work higher ups and I decline. It’s all a show to make up for our job difference and his insecurities. Jokes on him, in an ideal world I’d run a coffee shop too.
One time, my train was delayed, so I was agreeing to stay for a bit. But he acted so busy that he didn’t come to the table once. When I finally needed to leave to catch my train, he came over and begged I stay - I guess to watch him work and be impressed. I have better things to do with my time, so I insisted I had to leave now. That’s when he tried to snatch my phone from the table. I was able to get it first, though. He knew I probably wouldn’t leave without it, so he saw it as his chance to get me to stay. Glad I got it; I immediately left.
Next time - not a big fan of letting some dumbass’ presence dictate where I can go - my now-fiancée actually accompanied me to get a drink too. It wasn’t intended as a power move, it was a coincidence, but he totally understood it as one. He was sooo ashamed and shy. Asked “Was I so bad last time?” in relation to me bringing her along. I just sternly said “It’s ok”, we got our stuff and left.
After that, I was very sick with my Crohn’s disease and had to avoid all kinds of beverages and sweetener and was mostly bedbound, so I didn’t see him for months.
When I returned, he seemed stressed and moody. He said he would be moved away from the store and manage another one.
Since then, he was never there anymore, and the store has a much better vibe. It was like a heavy fog lifted, and the employees all seem happier and friendlier. I think working with him must have been awful.
And that concludes the story of Starbucks Guy. May he never be seen again.
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Published 16 Feb, 2025