are you surveilling yourself yet?
Grades. IQ points. Income. BMI, height, weight. Calorie intake. Calorie expenditure. Step count. Temperature. Frequent heart rate monitoring. Mood tracking. Habit tracking. Streaks. Sleep score. Countdown to the IF eating window. Numbered step morning or evening routine. Followers. Likes.
Your life in numbers and rows. It’s all laid out like a spreadsheet, everything has to be accounted for. If only you can optimize further and buy the products to track and hit the optimal range, everything will be fine, right? Everything will change once you tackle this one thing.
Your boss is bullying you, you can’t afford rent and you have to take care of your parents, but it will all be better when you hit the 10k steps and read 4 books a month. The university stress is killing you, but getting that perfect sleep score will fix it. Your life is a mess, but at least your watch says you hit all your daily goals. And of not? It’s all your fault. You had all this info and the numbers so why aren’t you doing anything? It’s time to kick yourself when you are already down.
The numbers prove it: you. are. bad. It doesn’t matter how hard you try, how you were sick, burnt out, busy, allowing yourself to rest or explore other things. Your streak is gone. What you built your self confidence on is crumbling. Now according to totally legit people online, you will never get the six figure income and Bugatti. Who cares that you are a comforting presence in people’s lives, a reliable help, a good friend, regarded as well read and knowledgable - you didn’t even get up at 5am to immediately hit the gym every day, so it doesn’t matter.
What matters is obviously just you! Cut off the friends that already like you for who you are and break up with your partner because “you deserve better!”. She was a whore anyway for wanting to keep a job! Center yourself and put yourself in a rigid routine that leaves no room for other people, this is how you glow up and reach the best version of yourself. Maximize your potential in the empty vacuum of your lonely life, then no one will call you while you meditate and journal.
Please go up the stairs nervously checking your heart rate and googling if that’s a normal value. Please worry about closing all your rings every day and feel like a lazy pig otherwise. Please keep up your Duolingo streak while talking to no real person in that language.
Welcome to your ‘winter arc’!
If you are confused, this is sarcasm criticizing a flavor of self help and improvement online that is obsessed with metrics, numbers and streaks and seeking systemic relief on a deeply personal level.
Published 21 Nov, 2024