rose ▪ bud ▪ thorn - august 2026
rose
- I met Suliman!
- I'm having a good time playing FFXIV; made it to Heavensward now, excited to play more.
- My wife gifted me the new Hello Kitty Island Adventure DLC (Tea Garden) and it's been very sweet and calming :)
- We had a great date day on which we tried out a vegan kebab we had never eaten before, went to a few manga shops, Build-a-Bear, a cinnamonroll shop, and more.
- My matcha order surprisingly arrived without notice, just in time, when I had used up my last bit of the old an hour or so prior.
- We went to Gamescom and I found merch of a Sanrio character I like that barely gets any or is never included anywhere; a Mocha plush, and I even pulled Mocha (or rather, Cinnamoroll dressed as Mocha) out of a blindbox too! Plus I paid less than the price tag said for something.
- The way my wife looked at me when I pulled the small plushie out of the blindbox brings tears to my eyes. It was just so overtly, shockingly full of genuine love and joy for me. I can't even describe how it feels to see someone look at you like that when finally something good happens to you. I think remembering that look will sustain me for the rest of my life.
- Saw a full rainbow in a pink sky while looking out the window.
- I got back into journaling for joy, and using up some of the stickers I had accumulated in the months of not doing so.
- I felt really grateful for a friend reaching out that I hadn't talked to in months and how supportive he was when I told him about my struggles. He independently remembered specific upcoming days I was worried about, and then checked in with me on them to see how I was doing. I am still so surprised that anyone would do that for me, unasked.
- Generally received kind messages and emails of support, which I am thankful for.
- Started feeling more like myself again towards the very end of the month.
bud
- Getting back into my gym routine that I had to pause for health reasons.
- Regaining my sense of purpose, re-establishing parts of my life that give me a sense of security, a plan to follow, something to work towards.
- Studying for my degree. I've really fallen off this semester.
- Finishing up my blog post drafts. There's so much I wanna put out there, but time just keeps running through my hands like fine sand.
thorn
- This has been the worst month of the year for me... yet. What happened this month cannot ever happen to me again.
- I've had 20+ high heart rate notifications via my smartwatch this month because of anxiety, stress, panic attacks and rumination, mentally spiraling while sitting there doing nothing. I don't usually mention it when I talk about my illnesses because for the past few years, it genuinely did not affect me at all after treatment with EMDR, but I was diagnosed with (C-)PTSD years ago. Something in my life recently triggered it again pretty badly, so this is the fallout. I've spent most of this month trying to exit this hypervigilant state, this feeling of always being in danger or hunted, even when I know I am safe, and trying to implement the coping mechanisms I had learned.
- It has also made some some other mental health issues reemerge that were never officially diagnosed, and I might need to get on that. Unfortunately, Germany is currently completely gutting psychotherapy...
- All of that is the reason it's been quiet and I have been very behind on answering emails.
- I've endured some really weird and off-putting behavior from multiple different people this month; some friends, some acquaintances, but also strangers.
☁️☁️☁️
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