pandemic reflections
I reflected on my pandemic years today. Looking back, I’m really proud of myself for how I handled it. I remember I
- remade a Discord account to socialize online
- joined new servers, which is why I now have a wife and two attendees to the wedding; I wouldn’t have met any of them otherwise
- teamed up with people I knew to grind 250 hours of Warframe over the course of months (basically a daily date, distraction and working towards a shared goal)
- ordered painting supplies to take up painting again
- spent a lot of long walks in nature together with the dog
- created a lot of different playlists for special positive or relaxing moods that I’d listen to
- made little sessions for myself where I’d listen to binaural beats, meditate and relax
- started a gratitude and wishes practice
- got back into doing yoga and did some yoga nidra for the first time
- tried out CBD and microdosing an LSD equivalent
- always tried to incorporate something special and uplifting into my day and actively brainstormed about new stuff I could do; like hot baths, hair masks, skincare stuff, special meals, teas etc.
If you think about it, “sad? do something fun” isn’t revolutionary or hard, but in practice it’s kind of is sometimes, especially if you haven’t been taught by your surroundings or don’t think you deserve it. You might not even know what you’d like to do. So I’m glad I tried and found things I liked.
It was still hard; there were many days I spent sitting on my sofa just staring into the air for hours doing nothing because I just felt catatonic, empty. I felt vulnerable and alone because everyone spent time with their families in their houses and gardens, and I had none of that. I didn’t even have real life friends. It was just me and my dog in my apartment. I wondered who’d find me if I died, I wondered who’d take care of me when I’m sick.
But I was playing one of those old playlists today on the way to the gym, and it all came back to me. It made me feel very grateful for what past me did; I owe so much of today to her efforts.
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Published 11 May, 2025