nice things i’ve done for myself lately
I’m focusing on more care, compassion and kindness toward myself lately. It’s small things like just stopping and taking deep breaths and genuine breaks, letting go of arbitrary deadlines for myself that are not needed and stepping away from certain topics or blog posts for a while until I can handle them again. Muting some things, checking when I have the mood and time.
I’m putting in effort to spend almost each morning on my balcony for a bit; a habit I had initially started quite a while ago but then unintentionally dropped. Drinking tea, eating breakfast, reading, soaking up some sun when it’s not cloudy. It really helps me feel more present and content. I’m writing this blog post there right now. The sun is out, but I am covered up a bit and my parasol is open. Some birds are singing, and I hear neighbors of mine eat on their balconies as well. The trees are still surprisingly green, and the sky doesn’t have a single cloud.
When I am not on the balcony, and I am instead just lounging on the sofa or working, I put some calm morning music on, usually classical music or adjacent. I especially love these three: x x x, or Sabine’s Lothcat. I seemingly don’t grow tired of listening to any of them, and it feels so clarifying and grounding to me, without feeling overbearing or repetitive. I feel safe and focused, content with little, and in my own little flow zone.
I’m also showering more often now, after low energy times and depression had made it harder. Even when I don’t feel particularly grimy, it’s a nice end-of-day ritual every other day. I know I always feel better when I’m clean, everything’s fresh and tidy, and my hair isn’t feeling greasy. I also started moisturizing again after the shower and got a moisturizer that smells like strawberry yoghurt, which makes me super happy. I’ve gotten back into taking care of my face again, being more diligent with my skincare, restarted my supplements and reordered the ones that ran out.
Something I like to do before bed is going through the apartment and tidying up a bit so the next day starts without clutter. Putting away dishes and cups, clothes, controllers, hobby stuff and more. Preparing my desk, refilling my water bottle for the next day. Setting aside clothes for tomorrow. Sometimes I still clean the kitchen late at night so I get to walk into a spotless kitchen the next morning when I make tea. Having a grimy and messy kitchen from the dinner the night before right in the morning sours my mood and makes everything feel chaotic.
As far as purchases go, I have admittedly been generous with myself. I got this new pink faux fur rug recently which I put next to my bed, so each time I get up, my toes touch something really soft. I also like to put soft socks or my Cinnamoroll slippers there so I can immediately put those on. Soft, soft, soft, in pink, white or pastel colors. I bought two Stardew Valley plushies (a Starfruit and Krobus!), restocked on new matcha and ordered CBD buds to make tea with (something I used to rely on a lot more years ago, but has slowly fizzled out). Due to an on-going pain and fatigue episode, I’m not well enough to go to the gym, or even make use of my home equipment, but I have been doing yoga again to the best of my abilities. I’m looking forward to my CBD arriving and making those sessions extra relaxed.
I’ve also tackled my academic anxiety. Last semester didn’t go well for me as I was unable to study enough to have a good shot at passing the exams, so I postponed them. I felt great pressure for this semester to be better and to get back to studying as soon as possible, which resulted in a huge mental hurdle to even start and lots of doubt whether I am good enough or should just give up. I went slowly about it, telling myself I can just go do the administrative and organizing aspects of the new semester first and then see. I love using study software/games, so I encouraged myself with a new one so I’d look forward to using it. I set it up, then logged into my university account, prepared everything there, downloaded all needed materials, signed up for the live sessions, put all dates in my calendar, ordered all books I need, and then… actually started studying. It felt great, I had no issues understanding the material at all, and through the previous setup process, everything felt organized and like I truly have a grasp on this semester. I really needed this experience of feeling competent and capable in my studies again.
Aside from that, I’m happy about what a perfect game FFXIV turned out to be for someone like me. When I am fatigued and in pain and with quite a bit of brain fog, it helps to have a game that doesn’t dictate what you do, and all gameplay can just be done via mouse, permitting me to move my body as little as possible. If I don’t feel up to it, there is always something easy and mindless to do; no “ugh, I would love to play that game right now, but I am at that difficult part!”. It’s also simply nice to get to run and fly around when in real life, you’re unable to walk or stand much at the moment. I’m very grateful for how much Kami has been helping me with the game as well.
On a different note, I’ve had lots of struggles with executive functioning lately, basically feeling locked in and frozen as I cannot start doing the things I want to do, even easy things. Making appointments, refilling prescriptions and restocking anything felt like herculean tasks. All of the above helped me a lot with that. I even made an appointment to get my nails done later today; medication makes it a lot easier to move again, too. Maybe I will also make a different appointment to get a massage another day :)
Now that this is done, I’m going to tape some scraps into my journal and then study. Later on, I will write another matcha review.
Have a good day.
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