next christmas, i’ll try
I haven’t put much thought into Christmas since I moved out of my parents’ home, aside from selfmade Advent calendars.
I’m not a big fan of visiting Christmas markets, as the trinkets there seem useless and overpriced, and most of the (expensive!) food is not something I’ll eat. All the crowds and risks make me uneasy.
I also think Christmas decorations can be quite gaudy and ugly. Dealing with a real tree can be expensive, annoying and wasteful, but the fake tree I have is a pain to set up and leaves an oily film on my hands. Wrapping paper for the gifts seemed wasteful as well, so we often left it in the original cardboard box, or wrapped it in muslin sheets.
This year takes the cake though in how little preparation Christmas got. No tree, no decorations, one or two gifts wrapped, the rest weren’t. The only thing we had going was the calendar, Christmas music, a fancy dinner, and baking cookies.
I thought celebrating such a minimized version of Christmas would be enough and not something that bothers me, but instead it showed me that I need to put in more effort in the years to come.
I needed this experience to realize that I actually like Christmas a little and that an opportunity for joy and whimsy is missing if I don’t participate in some way at least. It’s not that Christmas is a hassle or per se not fun, but instead, there are things I can do and other viewpoints to take that could make it more fun for me. I finally seem to get the point of Christmas aside from gift giving; the point of everything around the actual Christmas Eve.
I used to think “Why put up decorations for a few weeks just to put them away? Why can’t everything just stay the same all year round? What a useless hassle!” but with the years passing and living in the same home, I understand now that you need a bit of change around to not get sick of it all. It also feels better to mark time passing with certain home decor and other changes than to feel it run through your hands while nothing around you really changes. It’s eerie.
I can now appreciate the different year-round festive markers as ways to celebrate and accept time moving forward as the year goes on, instead of living the same way all those months and suddenly feeling surprised that another year ended. The rituals and visual reminders throughout the months help going consciously through the year and savoring the time. Putting the decorations away or rearranging things is like a little conscious goodbye that another piece of the year is over.
I’ve never seen it that way before, and simply thought older people were a little too stuck in traditions and optics in front of neighbors to question the effort they put into decorating for the different seasons, easter, Halloween, Christmas and more. But they were right, and it feels warm and welcoming.
Growing up, all the holiday spirit feels like it materializes around you by itself, but that’s not true. It’s not a natural disaster, it’s people coming together to make it happen and make it special for others.
It’s your family making an effort to decorate the home, to give you an Advent calendar, to fill your Nikolaus boot, take you to a Christmas market and more. It’s your school that decorates and your teachers to bring candy or make crafts for the holidays or other holiday-themed exercises. Your hobby group will likely do some end-of-the-year type celebrations too. The people who buy the craft stuff and decorations, the people who stand in the cold for 10 hours at the market do it so others can just feel like this magically happens and don’t have to think about the logistics.
I somehow missed the point where I realized that it all depended on people giving a damn and putting in the effort to make it happen, and that once you exit all these groups that make an effort and age out of it, you’ll have to go put in the effort yourself.
That’s why Christmas “doesn’t feel as special as it used to”. Because as an adult, it won’t just materialize around you anymore. You have to be the one to motivate yourself to put up the decorations, not just help or admire them; you choose the days to bake, the recipes, the tree. You fill your own Nikolaus boot or sock, so to speak. Christmas gettogethers aren’t just thrust upon you anymore, you either show an interest to attend, or you host and plan accordingly.
A big part of this is also not having guests over that would care, or children to urge you to do all of this. I’m sure if I had a child, I’d go above and beyond to make Christmas special for them year after year, because they’re witnessing it for the first time and deserve happy Christmas childhood memories. And if we hosted a big friend Christmas gettogether, I’m sure I’d feel similarly.
Without that reason, I have to learn to take it seriously by myself and do it for my wife and me, even if it feels unnecessary initially. And I hope once we move closer to friends, maybe we can host some festivities.
I’ll definitely do better next year!
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