some more questions
I thought of some more questions that are a bit more .. vague, but also deeper and more open, depending on how you interpret them. I found them hard to answer myself. Feel free to steal.
Whose opinions do you trust more: the morning-you or the evening-you?
It's difficult, because morning-me can sometimes be a bit overzealous with some things, but I also tend to be more negative in the evenings than in the mornings. I think I trust evening-me more, because while it can be more negative, it's still realistic and more logical than the me who just woke up. For example, almost every morning, I wake up and unpublish scheduled posts on a whim, before reinstating them for release like an hour or so later. I wake up thinking "Who cares about that shit?" and unpublish, but come to my senses later. If it wasn't for more-woken-up-me, or even evening-me, this blog could be empty. I don't exactly know why this happens - it's not negativity or being ashamed, I guess it's more like... utopian? Idealistic? I think I wake up with the mindset that anything digital sucks and I will throw it all in the trash and live in the forest, and then I wake up fully. I think I wake up feeling more strongly about some things, then I mellow out.
Does emptiness/silence soothe you or make you anxious?
I definitely prefer emptiness and silence. I need a decluttered, clear environment, and I need minimal to no music to focus; lofi at most, but usually rain sounds, white noise, or nothing. Except if the task is tedious or monotone, then more upbeat music or podcasts. But in general, I feel more comfortable the less is there, than with clutter or noise. I also tend to lock myself away to focus. Clutter, mess, tons of colors, music and blinking are all too distracting and too much for me and make me anxious, especially in a crowd.
What’s an art piece (music, film, writing, paint…) that grounds you?
The poem The View From Halfway Down from Bojack Horseman.
Are you more at home in the world of objects than the world of people?
Unfortunately, I would say, yes. I am not a consumerist by any means and I live minimalistically, but I am more withdrawn, with a little amount of people close to me, and I do more with my hobbies and some objects and products on my own than do things with people. And even then, many objects and products facilitate the connection in the first place. I think objects are my refuge, whether I like it or not. I hope it changes in the future; I want to put people over objects more in the way I spend my time. I have no problem with letting everything in my apartment burn down, though.
How do you personally explore beauty?
This is a tough one... I think to see beauty, you have to practice a level of kindness first, so that is big. Then I explore by going out in nature, seeing the beauty there, taking pictures to appreciate it and sending it around so others can appreciate, too. That also leads to inspiration for creation, like poems or drawings, in which I try to pin down a very specific aspect of beauty I found. I also explore it by taking care of myself, reaffirming myself, and complimenting things about myself and my body. So gratitude is a big part of it. Also by looking at how others define beauty, especially their own beauty, and to see if I resonate with anything so I can further redefine my understanding of it, away from fashion, skincare, brands, magazines etc.
What do you do that lights up the world around you?
I make people laugh, I make bad puns and jokes. I go out of my way to appreciate things hard, often and loudly; I am not stingy with compliments. I try to take care of my surroundings, keeping plants and people alive, avoiding messes and most of the waste I can. I share knowledge and advice and I try to speak up when others can't, and I try to pour the self confidence I have into others.
Are you more inclined to blog when sad or happy?
I think I am more inclined to say: sad. I have written the most blog posts on this blog during a really bad phase with my health last year, for example, while I was very sad. Generally, I can write more if I am critical of something, when I disagree, when I want to correct something. That doesn't mean I am sad in that moment, but it is more of a negative source than happiness, I think. I counterbalance it with some positive updates, recent wins, cool links etc. but I hope in the future, I can blog more from a place of happiness and passion, too. More about things I love than things I see and disagree with. I don't necessarily want to talk less about bad things, but I want to increase the good. I think I blog less when I am happy, because then I am too busy to be online, if that makes sense. When I'm really, really happy, I don't care for that. I forget my devices, I don't open them, I don't ruminate on thoughts, I don't write a reaction to something I saw; I just live. Life can't just be that level of happiness all the time, though, so I am okay with being here.
(If you are curious, the software on the right is called Chill Pulse)
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Published 13 Feb, 2025