making peace with my cycle
Recently I’ve somewhat come to a place of acceptance with my menstrual cycle. It’s always been a struggle due to PCOS and suspected endometriosis, I’ve been on cypro before and birth control pills until 19. I took maca powder until mid last year because it was the one thing that could bring my cycle down to 30 days, when it’s naturally 60+. It’s also always a whole shitshow: all my autoimmune issues flare up so intestinal pain and joint pain flare up the most, I become suicidal (PMDD), I get nauseous or the pain makes me hyperventilate, I’m mega bloated, I’ve thrown up from it in the past, sometimes I get migraines, and that’s just off the top of my head. During my period, it’s like my body wants to kill me.
I had big hopes after I started infliximab last October, because after the infusions and during the first few autopens, my period was finally normal, with no hormonal intervention needed. 30 days, zero symptoms. If it wasn’t for the blood and calendar accuracy, I wouldn’t have known I was on my period. It was amazing. I felt like a person for once. I thought wow, other people live like this? The ones with normal periods or no uterus? You don’t feel like you’re constantly either suffering from a period or recovering from it?
Because honestly, this shit wastes my time to no end. I already start suffering a week prior with bad mood and cramps, then have 5-7 days of active war, followed by at least a week of my body recovering. On a 30 day cycle, that gives me a week of feeling normal. A week. 1 week per month. 12 weeks a year. I’m tired of living like that!
With time, the effect of infliximab on it waned, and now I’m back to how it was. Suffering every 50 or so days. So I concluded: Maybe the 60+ cycle is a blessing. I’m tired of fighting it. At least it gives me more weeks inbetween to feel normal. Maybe that’s the compromise I need. I’m tired of fighting it.
I am 99% sure the 300mg infliximab infusions played a big part in finally having normal periods. There’s something kicking my immune system up 5 notches every time, and the loading doses helped tame it. But maintenance dose is 120mg every 2 weeks, so of course I couldn’t keep those initial drug levels up.
I have an appointment this month with my gynecologist to discuss it, but I don’t think there’s a good solution. This type of medication isn’t used in gynecology, so she’ll have nothing to say about it, but my gastroenterologist isn’t a hormonal expert either. Even if they agreed to discuss it with each other and somehow agreed that I should up my dose (more shots, or more mg, or big infusions) and see if it helps, would I want that? Infliximab has side effects like making me more susceptible to severe infections, raising cancer risks and more, so taking more of it will make this a bigger issue too. Is that worth it? I can’t say. I don’t want a hysterectomy either.
So… I might have to take what I can get and embrace my natural cycle length.
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Published 05 Mar, 2025