looking back
There’s lots I’ve done for a while now and I wanted to take time and look back.
It’s now been a little over three months since I cut all my hair off because of hairloss due to meds. I’m pleased to say they’re regrowing quick and densely. I’m just impatient! They’re about 4cm now and sticking into every direction like my head exploded, and it’s really not my style. I’m looking forward to having at least chin-long hair again. I’m not a fan of gel or whatever, so my hair is completely unstyled and I’ll just have to take this ugly phase with grace until my long hair is back again. I did order two wigs in the meantime.
It’s been the same amount of time injecting myself every 2 weeks with the medication I need. I hoped it would get easier with time, but it hasn’t so far. I know others do it daily, and I admire that. I guess it makes sense we wouldn’t wanna stab ourselves naturally. I have days when it almost doesn’t hurt, but most times it hurts so bad I can’t breathe and my fiancée has to press the autopen down at the same time so I don’t loosen my grip or remove it out of reflex. The needle is okay, but the liquid isn’t - the acid in it hurts and I think sometimes I’m unlucky with what I’m hitting inside.
It’s been 1.5 years of Bearblog and almost 1 year of consistently posting. I’m happy to say that I haven’t held back a single time on posting something because of how it would be received, and I never changed how or what I write about for upvotes. If anything, the things I think no one will care for sometimes get the most attention, so I don’t feel particularly swayed. I post things that aren’t valuable to anyone but myself because it’s my blog. I feel grateful for being able to accept the good parts of an upvote system without suffering from the bad. I have never worried about upvotes or engagement, but it may also be connected to the fact that I don’t feel disappointed if no one reads my blog and I feel nervous when a lot of people do. I also wouldn’t know how to tailor my writing to my audience because wildly different things blow up. I guess I would have to mix selfcare with tech critique but I draw it into my notebook instead??
Speaking of posts no one cares about (MtG), it’s been 4 months of that and my card pool is almost 1k cards, I have multiple self-built decks - most of them for Arena, though. I visited my first event this weekend, and Aetherdrift Prerelease Event (Two Headed Giant, Sealed), and it wasn’t my thing. I think I prefer Standard online or playing with people I know at home. I feel lost with strangers and Two Headed Giant is overwhelming, and it’s too loud with so many people and tables. It was partially my fault too though, because Aetherdrift just isn’t something I’m interested in; I’m not that interested in Crew and Saddling as well as the Max Speed mechanic. So playing it was… meh. It does have great black cards (I usually play black combos), but I wasn’t able to build good synergy with what I pulled.
It’s also been a year of gym membership. I wasn’t able to use it for half of that year due to being very ill, but the times I was able to do so really cemented the fact that I need exercise and it’s good for me. It made me invest in some more home exercise equipment too and see it as something regular, if not daily. I like that it gives me a reason to go outside and take time for myself, and I also got over my discomfort of being seen while exercising. I used to be really ashamed because exercising is a vulnerable time for me somehow, but now I don’t. I think it also added to my self confidence.
I think that’s all of the ongoing things I have any thoughts about.
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Published 09 Feb, 2025