health signs i had learned to ignore
Now that I feel better, I recognize how many things I had learned to let slide in terms of my body. How many things were normal to me that shouldn't be. It's kind of a slippery slope, really. It starts small and you and everyone will tell you it's nothing to worry about, it can happen, it can be normal, everyone has it from time to time, it is benign, harmless, a quirk...
But if it gets worse very slowly, you don't even notice. It's like the boiling frog analogy - if it slowly gets hotter and hotter, you might fail to notice in time to get out, as opposed to if it had been this bad from the beginning. It's weird, but waking up one day with a really bad case of whatever bodily ailment it is can be somewhat of a good thing - at least you'll be more inclined to take it seriously and make your way to a doctor. But if each year, the back pain and stiffness gets a tiny bit worse, well... that's just age, isn't it, is what you'll think.
It already starts with parenting and the experiences you make with doctors as a child and teen. If you are growing up with people who deny your pain and invalidate your experiences, at some point you're not going to take them seriously either. "There I go again, being dramatic as usual, stop worrying already, you're the only freak worried about this". I showed all the signs of my illness from early on, but it's just accepted that kids' bodies are weird and sick all the time. I showed it as a teen, but teens are just seen as liars and dramatic and just don't wanna go to class, and my mother was too lazy for more doctors visits. It's even worse if you're socially anxious, depressed, autistic or more, because you will not have the tools to successfully 'sell' yourself in the doctors appointment.
That's what I've come to learn over the years: That doctors appointments are kind of like job interviews, at least for neurodivergent people. You'll have to act like you want to get a role in an audition. If you talk like you normally do, or you let the anxiety get a hold of you, they're just going to believe you're lying, it cannot be that bad, or you're keeping something from them. Your stoic, monotone, shy demeanor isn't selling the pain. You need to show up there with your best job interview expression, with the documents, with your own notes, and with the right sentences rehearsed. You need to know what they want to hear: How bad is it on your worst days? How does it affect your ability to sleep, to manage the household, dress and wash yourself, to work or to study? And if you have a diagnosis you want to get checked out, do not make the mistake of suggesting it yourself, package it into something like "My GP wanted to check in about..." "My mother/sister/coworker suggested we could check for...".
And don't let you getting used to all of this going on in your body get in the way of things. Yes, this is just normal to you, but it isn't. If you had woken up with how bad it is now from day one, you'd be distressed, maybe crying, visually unwell. So put that shit on for the doctor, even if it feels like acting.
Back to the original point of the post: Take things seriously. The body is a vast, intricate, interconnected system. All symptoms on its own are probably nothing, but it adds up over time and we lose sight of things. One thing pops up, but it's common and harmless, then another and it is too.. we fail to see the bigger net of symptoms at one point.
Small, easy to explain away symptoms I ignored that were okay-ish on its own but belonged to the bigger picture (Bechterew's and Crohn's disease) I am now being treated for are, for example:
- Recurring pain in the lower left and lower right quadrant. Not surprising if you have a uterus, but if your gynecologist always just finds water and no active cysts, darling, it cannot be cysts or ovulation all the time.
- Recurring inflammation in my neck vertebrae every few years, to the point of needing muscle relaxers and a neck brace for a week or two each time. Just laid wrong in my sleep huh? No.... not if it happens that often so severely.
- Getting progressively more stiff in my hips and lower spine. Just age and sitting at the desk too much, right? Well, then why does it progress so much faster and I am the stiffest of anyone I know? Well.
- Keratosis pilaris, these little goosebump-like things on the skin; many people have them on the arms. Online, it says they are harmless and just a visual skin flaw, and some creams or scrubs are supposed to help. They went away for me when my inflammation was under control; completely gone on Prednisone and about 99% gone on Infliximab.
- Dark circles under my eyes no matter how much I rested. That has severely reduced now since being treated for my illnesses.
- Acid reflux. I don't even know when it started, I cannot even think of a time when I didn't have it before treatment, but since being treated for my issues it's gone and I can't remember the last time I had it. I mean, if certain foods give you reflux, sure, avoid them. And if you pop Ibuprofen like candy, also stop, for the love of your stomach. But if it doesn't even seem to matter what food it is and they keep throwing Pepto Bismol or Omeprazole at you for months or years now, it's time to act. Allergy tests, helicobacter pylori test, gastroscopy. Chronic gastritis, an infection, GERD and stress ulcers can be an issue. And then possibly link whatever you find to other health issues! I already had diagnosed stomach ulcers at 22 and no one did anything about them or linked it to anything else going on!!
- Discomfort after each food intake. If it always feels like bricks inside of you, you get very tired afterwards, cramps, or maybe itching... doctor time. If you only feel normal on a really restricted diet or fasting, it's doctor time.
- Geographic tongue. If you have patches on your tongue that don't look like the rest and it kind of looks like a map. It's simply visual, not infectious. Stress, psoriasis, eczema, arthritis and vitamin deficiencies can be a cause. Since treating my illnesses, I don't have it anymore.
- Recurring inflammation of the Achilles tendons. I used to blame it on the fact I didn't walk much, so if I did, I must have overdone it and that's the normal reaction; but it wasn't that at all. This is very much not normal, no matter how sedentary you are.
- Skin conditions. I think we do too much with skincare instead of looking deeper into it. The skin is actually a great representation of other issues in the body, and it seems skincare companies love to capitalize on no one wanting to go to the doctor about it, or getting dismissed by them. But you cannot skincare away it all, even if the companies do a good job at making it look and sound very medical. If rashes, eczema, pimples etc. persist despite diet changes, antihistamines and creams, it's doctor time for more allergy tests, or hormonal tests, dermatologic tests, colonoscopy etc. I just walked around with patches of scaly skin areas every couple years, always had rashes in my face and armpits, etc. and just accepted that somehow or just threw cortisone cream on it. I'll probably write another post on it specifically.
You'd probably either not notice some of these, or not keep them on your radar, or surely wouldn't connect them all to the same thing, but they are.
In general, stop shifting what is normal because you are scared of the doc1. I get it, but don't. From talking to other patients, I know they will say shit like "Well, I know everyone bleeds on the toilet, but this time it was super much, should I be worried?" and act surprised when others are shocked. No, no healthy human poops blood all the time, and you know this. Stop playing around.
Maybe this is your sign to take your health seriously next year.
Published 16 Dec, 2024
Yes, or the medical debt, I get it, but I write from a European perspective, and I cannot really talk about the balance of health vs medical debt because I lack the experience and I'd probably recommend continuing the deposing of... ;)↩