enjoying media and fandom
I enjoy media without actively participating in fandom. I prefer that over witnessing fandom drama or being influenced by the current consensus these spaces hold.
Fandom is not without its use or effect on me, but I enjoy the more passive, indirect parts of it more. I like being able to research in a wiki someone made, or reading an elaborate fan theory, a guide, or long effort post about a small detail or episode, or the fact that there is so much fanfiction to choose from and fanart to admire. I prefer seeing a strangers’ work vs. talking to them directly.
What I have never enjoyed are the ways fandoms operate on microblogging services and Discord servers, so I don’t participate. They are just not designed to discuss media well, because you’ll join as a new member and bring stuff up, and the seasoned veterans go “ugh we discussed that like 4 times last month I’m kinda over it”. I also don’t want to talk about these things all day long directly to strangers, or make it my personality, but I also don’t see why I should discuss other things with a stranger just because we enjoy the same game or show. I enjoy more elaborate ideas on media over being fed small crumbs via short messages by just anyone.
In general, prefer to talk with the people I know and like about the media. With them, I even enjoy short messages of liveblogging the experience. My wife and I are the kind of people who will pause multiple times in an episode to discuss what just happened and talk about our little theories, at least for shows like Severance or Pluribus. The discussions we had about Pluribus so far on the Gazette’s Discord servers have also been amazing.
I think largely staying away from fandom has saved me from losing my enjoyment of certain games or shows, whether due to not associating difficult people with it or just not burning out on it. Whenever I do peek into spaces where a game or show is discussed, they hone in on negative aspects I haven’t even noticed or that didn’t bother me, and I don’t like how that can change my perception negatively. I’ve also gotten the impression that the loudest fandom people tend to be the most unstable and exhausting, and I don’t want that around me.
The few times I tried, I just never felt free enough to discuss what I wanted to discuss because there are always “leaders” in the space who have the final verdict on a character or episode, and going against that is not as accepted. Sometimes those leaders are simply the most vulnerable in the group, who have built up an intense emotional reliance and connection to the story or character, who will interpret any mild criticism as an attack on themselves and so everyone is used to tiptoeing around it.
I feel a little sorry for people who continue to get burnt in fandoms and keep seeking new spaces just to have to flee from another bully, but I also think some underestimate how much just not participating in fandom like this could help them enjoy media again. It initially might feel unusual or lonely, but I think it’s worth exploring why you might feel like enjoying media without talking about it publicly feels cheap or like it didn’t happen.
It’s worth experiencing media without a performative aspect of it, and weaning your brain off of the dramatic, edgy, and highly emotional fandom discussions. In my experience, it often seems to negatively alter the way you talk about the things you love.
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