ava's blog

nasty “cozy gamers”

I’ve played a lot of games that get slapped with the “cozy” tag - the big ones like Stardew Valley, Coral Island, Palia, Sims, ACNH, HKIA, Fields of Mistria, Cozy Grove, House Flipper, as well as smaller gems like Coffee Talk, Kind Words, Gourdlets, Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood, Sticky Business, Until Then, all kinds of low stakes simulators and more.

When I meet people in real life that have also enjoyed some of these, we tend to get along well. Online, however, I feel like the communities of such games have been completely poisoned. I wrote previously about how toxic fandom can be online, but I think specifically “cozy gaming” spaces have a lot to reckon with in that regard.

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It’s odd, because I feel like cozy gaming initially drew pretty great people together 2014 and onward. To me, it was basically an antidote to how the rest of gaming often was, which was very focused on performance, wins, losses, bragging about difficulty levels and boss fights. Everything had to be as hard as possible, you had to optimize and dominate the opponent(s).

Which, to be clear, I am not completely opposed to - I used to train my aim on websites and software to improve, and I used to write guides and create graphics for competitive Overwatch, specifically on how to play Sombra most efficiently, which were shown and referenced in videos on YouTube as well. I was as detailed and committed as I am now with data protection law. Don’t ask me now, I stopped playing since they shut off OW1, but the point is I can, but I have to be in the mood for it. And sometimes, it was pretty great to just have a chill game you could optimize to a degree if you wanted to (Stardew Valley!) but that didn’t rush you or get on your nerves about taking longer.

That attracted many cis and trans women as well as people with other marginalized identities who felt unwelcome in other, more harsh (and often sexist, homophobic and transphobic) gaming spaces, disabled and chronically ill people, people who were struggling with depression and anxiety, and people juggling many different responsibilities that left them with very little time, especially not consistently. Many games punish that as they are hard to get back into and your performance suffers, causing a lot of frustration and lots of unfinished, abandoned games in the library. Many of the “cozy” games were much easier to pick back up again and did not punish you for being worse after a break.

That tended to create an overall space with a lot of understanding, grace, positivity, help and openness to discuss struggle and made people feel less alone. Lots of shared values in how to treat each other, protecting the marginalized, fighting for more accessibility in games, calling out harmful narratives and mechanics.

Nowadays though, I find that the spaces are filled with very loud, disrespectful voices drowning out the rest. They seem to use the things I pointed out as a shield and to lie to themselves about how rude they’re really being - like they can’t possibly be acting like a bad person, because they’re engaging in the People Who Are Nice space, or because the have this or that diagnosis.

Obviously, no community can be perfect, and something could be said about the possible powder keg you’re building when you put people in a shared space that are traumatized, in pain, socially awkward/unaware, and in survival mode. That this creates, at times, very unhinged situations makes sense. However, the entitlement and picky behavior is off the charts since 2 years, in my opinion.

Some highlights off the top of my head:

The cozy gamers who are the loudest online are cruel, inconsiderate, stubborn, unable to learn or consistently work on anything. They cannot bear to take responsibility for their behavior and have absolutely zero patience or frustration resilience. There is no empathizing with people, and they are seemingly completely opposed to fair pay of employees that create their entertainment. It’s really rich coming from the aforementioned demographics, but unfortunately, there are assholes everywhere.

In my experience with all the games so far, dipping in and out of communities, I have to unfortunately say that the Hello Kitty Island Adventure community is the worst of all I ever seen. Absolutely full of completely miserable people who wanna make others miserable and punish the devs for their own shortcomings.

These people will play games about how important it is to be nice and take nothing away from it. There is nothing going on in their head besides how to make something a problem, and 6468 reasons for why they aren’t at fault, and they should get anything for free.

For the best enjoyment of these games, just do not descend into these pits of hell 😅

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