what i have been up to (fun edition)
When I started this blog, it was initially intended to just log my journey into more tech projects, like a rather serious, little documentation and portfolio piece. I was really ambitious the past 2 years with getting into website making, then starting The Odin Project, trying to learn Steam Deck modding via CSS Loader and wanting to create my own theme, wanting to learn Rust, and more. All that next to a fulltime job and doing a law degree on the side. I didn't have enough hours in the day for all of it consistently, and now with having to focus on tackling my health issues this year, I have paused all of it.
I am currently feeling very drawn to offline, physical, tangible stuff - I usually avoid the laptop like it's radioactive if I can, unless it's for university or gaming. Digital is all I have when my body is struggling and resting in bed, so I associate it a lot with illness and mindless consumption - I don't feel well enough to move around but also not well enough to to substantial studying, reading, etc. so there's increase in just scrolling and reading on Discord servers or HN. And when I do feel better, I try to make the most of it and that is definitely not sitting in front of three screens. So when I can, I focus on walks, exercising, people, improving the home, making plans to see places and people. My tech related goals are currently pushed back because of this. I know it will be there for me in the future when I feel it more, but for now I am repelled by sitting alone in front of a device trying to solve problems.
I love to read the posts on Bearblog that just detail even the most mundane day of a person, since it seems so genuine, heart warming and real. In an internet landscape otherwise usually dominated by ads, influencers and online personas, it's so refreshing and relatable. I don't have to worry about anyone trying to sell me something or lying for clout, and it feels intimate, like a neighbor or friend. I read this post by Mei that impressed upon me once again that I don't need to make this blog very serious or poignant, especially since life is more dynamic than that and the initial direction doesn't align with me anymore. My last posts have all been so serious and it's time to share some casual fun, too.
Shortly after I was released from the hospital, I went to a one-time pottery class I had booked a while in advance and had to be moved from February to April because the instructor was sick. I was still a bit fragile at that point, but it was a great opportunity to finally go out again and do something else other than wait for diagnostics, worry, or sit around enduring any symptoms. I made a monstera leaf to keep some of my belongings in and a little coaster. I've since then returned a second time to glaze the stuff and we'll actually pick it up today. I wasn't super happy with the place itself - the instructors were very inattentive, the organization and communication was bad and they frequently lose or break the items of the customers - but I'm still grateful for the experience. I hope to soon get into a regular pottery class near where I live where we'll use the spinning technique and properly learn how to create certain items and keep creating stuff for however long you enroll.
A while ago, I attended the Roleplayverse Convention in Oberhausen. It's an event focused on cosplay and LARP and had a medieval market as well as lots of little halls where you could buy the typical nerd stuff like cosplay items, card games, tabletop and board games, gaming and anime merch, and more. I bought soap that looks like a big crystal and some iridescent beautiful moth stickers for my laptop and a bubble tea. We also bought some gifts for friends (another crystal soap and Monster Prom stickers) and my girlfriend got some Call of Cthulhu campaign books since she leads our biweekly CoC Kamborn campaign. Later on, one of the halls started burning. Thankfully no one was hurt and they were able to reopen it later.
The soaps are made by Kammaeleon.de; he has an online shop but no physical store, since he tours conventions like that one to sell his stuff :)
I had fun but it was very physically demanding and sadly caused a severe relapse in my disease symptoms, but I've since recovered from it.
The past 2 months I finally found some games again that I really enjoyed and sucked me in: The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood, and Mass Effect: Andromeda. I will definitely be replaying The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood soon; there is so much to be done differently, so many choices, so many endings. It's a game about an exiled witch and her tarot deck which you can design yourself and set the stats and effects for each card. How you design them, what kinds you pick and what you read from it alters the storyline quite a bit! It's a beautiful story with an amazing art style and characters. It was great to play on the Steam Deck while sick in bed. Mass Effect surprised me the most; I am a big Mass Effect fan and played both the original trilogy as well as the re-released Legendary Edition, and every fan will tell you that Andromeda is a flop that ruined the franchise. I wasn't impressed back then and didn't preorder or buy after release and was glad I didn't. Now 8 years after release, I was able to get the Deluxe Edition for 4,99EUR, which is a steal. So after all this time, with lowered expectations and knowing they likely have fixed the most egregious stuff since release, I gave it a go. I was willing to treat it as just another game and omit the Mass Effect name from it in my mind if it meant more enjoyment. But I didn't even have to! I'll say the character creator is still a dumpster fire and the inventory UI is a complete menace, but other than that, I really really enjoy the game. I've already sunken over 40 hours into it and can't wait to play more. I thought I would genuinely still dislike it or at least find it unremarkable, but I love it. I still experience some glitches and wish that they would have had a save import or something akin to the Dragon Age tapestry for the game world consequences of the first three games since it is a bit awkward how they dance around some of the choices, but it's okay.
Some more stuff I love:
I have to go to the pharmacy a lot recently and one of the local pharmacies has a shelf with Warmies, plushies that have a little heating bag inside that is scented and that you can heat up in the microwave. While waiting in line I saw this really cute boar plushie there. Now don't be mistaken: I have no tender feelings for boars, they're not an animal I particularly like or think about, and especially not one of my favorite animals. But that plushie just stood out to me for some reason. I debated internally whether I should get it or not, and chose not to. But I just couldn't stop thinking about it. After a few days passed I even told my girlfriend about it and that I need to go back and get it some time. One day when I still hadn't gotten it, she came back from a trip to the city and had gotten it for me :) This is Benji:
I've unapologetically taken him with me when going outside at times, in my bag. He's been with me at a restaurant and at work, for example. It's just a cute little comfort.
I've also discovered a new favorite tea. I had ordered new matcha powder from my favorite shop and they usually include a ton of tea samples every time. I finally tried their Earl Grey sample and even just opening the little 7 gram bag blew me away with the amazing smell. The bergamot oil and orange oil were so fragrant. I tried it and the taste was so lovely. It made me order one bag of loose leaf tea for me, one for my girlfriend, and the teabag version for another friend. I have to be careful with it because black tea and citrus stuff is a bit of a trigger for my inflamed intestinal ulcers, so I try not to consume it every day and make it a bit weaker and drink/eat some other stuff with it to dilute it in the stomach, but hopefully some day I will be able to fully and thoroughly enjoy it :)
To top it all off, I think I've also found my new favorite vegan restaurant. Eating is a bit of a gamble with Crohn's disease, especially when in an active flare and still trialing different medication to treat it. But fortunately I've been able to be a bit more adventurous lately, increase the type of foods I can eat and slowly (re)try some foods I haven't had in months. I am working hard in trying to heal my relationship to food that has been destroyed by many of the disease symptoms as well as my past struggles with intense orthorexia and anorexia (which, in big part, happened /because/ of the untreated disease symptoms before it was diagnosed; the online world is too full of content that advertises "clean eating" to heal your gut etc.). It's difficult to recover from a bad mindset about food being poison when food can literally put you in the hospital because of blood loss and severe pain, but I am learning. Outings to restaurants really help and make me feel normal again. Food is such a central part of our lives and there for every celebration, basically every hangout with friends and family etc., so being unable to partake or being scared of food is isolating. I had the best food ever at that restaurant! It's only been there for a year but the interior design, how pretty and tasty the food is and how much choices there were was absolutely amazing. I was being brave and even ordered something sweet and tolerated it well (sugar and sugar alternatives are a trigger for my symptoms, especially for my bladder. The disease attacking the bladder is an unusual representation in Crohn's, but can happen).
I had:
- Starter: Thin rice flour crêpes filled with tofu, avocado, mango and cucumber, seasoned with Vietnamese herbs, with homemade cocktail sauce (shared with my girlfriend)
- Starter: Crispy breaded seitan skewers in green sticky rice coating with salad and peanut sauce (shared with my girlfriend)
- Main: Crunchy breaded seitan duck with traditional five spice powder with oyster mushrooms and seasonal vegetables in peanut sauce
- Drink: Mango lassi
- Dessert: Small bowl with black sticky rice, mango, vegan cream yoghurt, coconut milk and coconut flakes (shared with girlfriend)
Look at this beautiful mango lassi. It was so tasty.
I cannot think of much else at the moment that I could include here. I hope in the near future, I can invest some more time into sewing again since I have several unfinished sewing projects in my backlog and I would love to get started on making my own techwear inspired clothes. Will post about it in the future!