see through the anger
When I am angry, I try my best to assess whether the person or thing I am angry at really did do or say that or if it’s just my own associations. That can be difficult through all those emotions and I don’t know if I always succeed.
I see it in the wild too, especially online. Stranger A says something, and Stranger B reads it and has some sort of association chain going on. Then they go off on that person about something that wasn’t even said - just because it reminded them of it, or someone who said or acted like that.
Whenever you’re angry at someone, it’s really helpful (to me) to ask: Am I mad at the right person? Or am I saying these things to the wrong one?
We keep things bottled up so often. Don’t be rude to the entitled customer. Don’t say no to the overbearing boss. Don’t rebuke coworker who is lazy and offloading their work onto you. Then someone cuts you off in traffic accidentally and you go: “Entitled piece of shit, you think the world revolves around you! You think everyone has to watch out but not you!!”
And while it can certainly fit to someone that cut you off, you don’t know them. That’s just projecting flaws onto them. Do you really think your outburst was about them? No, that driver was just a stand-in for all the other people in your life that piss you off but you have to keep it in.
So if I get mad at what someone does or says, I try to check if I really see them as the person they are, or if I am seeing them as all these people who were difficult. Did they really say that or did I play a one-sided association game? Why can’t I ask for clarification? Maybe I don’t know the other person’s situation or intent as well as I think. They surely don’t deserve to be my punching bag while the other people who truly caused those feelings get off scot-free, right?
Published 15 Oct, 2024, edited 7Â months, 2Â weeks ago